i thought jan2x was different from other guys but they're all the same. He has another girl && i dont fuckin know that until he told me yesterday. what a shit!! I thought he's not like that, he's lucky enough that i caught his attention and say yes to his court. But what the hell???its over. I did expect that we will broke up for good because he's goin to give more time and attention to his family and friends. But telling me that he has someone else is much harder than I thought. Carlo was better than him coz he lied that he has a cancer and his dying and not tellling me that he has another girl. I admit, i was blind because i never had any idea about it. Though he told me about the other girl, he said sorry. But sorry can never forgive him. He hurt me as hell. I hate him! I should never believe him in the first place. I totally cried because of the thought that he defended the girl more than me, he chose the girl and not me..it means he love the girl more than me. What's with me that I dont have from his girl??is it the sex they shared?? yeah,,i dont have any experience about that && maybe that's the factor the he chose the girl. The girl was his ex, ex means the past gf which they have more history than us. Fuck him! I should look someone more serious and constant with my love or else ill play boys from now on. =(

last june 26, I hurt someone..he's not just someone but a special person to me..his name was Christian Tan or jan2x as we call him..on that date, i break him up for a reason ofcourse..the reason was that,,he didnt brought his phone with him && i kept on calling him && it made me really really mad..so mad..its kinda my attitude to get mad easily which is not good..before, i break him up..i already plan about it that we should'nt last together since we cant see each other too often..we both live in a different town && its really far but we still live here in Cebu..after, i broke his heart..i felt really bad too coz i miss him so bad..i did'nt expect that feeling from him..i did everything to contact him like his phone and landline but still cant..i dont understand, if he really loves me then he has to fight for me..&& now i come to realize that he dont love me that much..so sad though..what can i do, he himself accept that were gone..we're just 1 month and 3 days..how lame..i dunno if i made the right thing or not..come what may && accept everything that happens...

Im fucking sick of my life!

im sick of comparing myself to them

I can't blame myself if im born ugly..this is who I am? cant they accept it? yeah..my sisters are kinda pretty compared to me..my lola thinks im not a real daughter from my mom..its really painful to me since its not true..my lola keep on admiring my 2 sisters for being pretty and sexy and everything..hearing all of it is just so irritating..i felt pity on myself for being so NOT..i just dont wanna hear bout that coz it loses my self esteem..but they juz dont know it..i cant tell this insecurity from anyone else except my friend Ruth..she's the only one i can tell about..i dunno how long am i going to take this pain..im just so envy and jealous..everything i do is not good for them..maybe im just a person full of weaknesses,,what a stupid feeling..